Adventures from Moby Dick
by bookfreak13
Summary: :30 Seconds to Mars: Third in a series involving the band 30 Seconds to Mars and two OCs who join them. Please read other stories to fully understand. Dana, Shannon, Tiffany, and Jared learn the hard way that being cooped up on a bus makes you insane.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: In the car on the way to my grandmother's. No internet but I can still type.

Enjoy!

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"This is so boring!" Dana moaned, kicking her flats off her feet. They flew across the room, one hitting Shannon square in the back of the head. They jostled gently, the roads being imperfect as the large white tour bus, affectionately dubbed 'Moby Dick' by Jared, rolled over them.

"So go on the computer." Tiffany muttered, not tearing her eyes away from the screen of her own laptop. She missed Dana stick out her tongue at her. Jared thumped down from the bunks and moaned.

"Damn it. I fell off the top bunk." He stood up and stretched. Running his fingers through his bleached hair, he walked to the 'common living area'. The bus was generally not all that big. Wide enough to fit two people standing next to each other uncomfortably, but long enough for an area with couches, a microwave, a mini-fridge, and a small TV. Further past that were a set of four bunk beds, each about the size of a coffin. Nearly every morning, someone had some part of their body that had fallen asleep due to the cutoff of blood flow from the confined space.

"Graceful." Dana snickered, earning her a shirt thrown in her face. Jared popped into the bathroom neatly tucked into the small space that separated living from sleeping areas. Dana peeled his dirty shirt from her face with disgust.

"He must have gone months without washing this shirt!" She flung it away from her, and curled away from the dirty shirt. Tiffany rolled her eyes, shutting the laptop. Bending over to pick up the shirt, she stood just in time to go over a huge pothole. She screamed as she was thrown forward into Dana's lap.

"Ow! Get off!" Dana moaned, trying to disentangle herself from Tiffany. Jared chose that moment to reappear.

"I'm not against lesbians or anything, but you two should get a room!" He joked. Both girls adamantly denied.

"I'd never turn into a lesbian for _her_!" Dana yelled, her face turning red.

"The hell I'd be a lesbian when I'm sleeping with you." Tiffany snapped at her husband. Jared whistled seemingly innocent.

"You girls are so damn loud." Shannon moaned, turning away from the music station. A special part of the tour bus had been dedicated to a special music mixing computer. Jared worked from the computer while they were on tour. But for some reason, Shannon was sitting at the computer, typing, or bobbing his head to beats they couldn't hear. He had been working for more than the three hours that the girls had been up.

"Sorry? It's not a crime to have fun." Dana glared, wanting more attention from her husband.

"But you aren't having fun. You're bored and were just accused of being a lesbian." He told her, an eyebrow raised skeptically. Dana's mouth opened and closed like a fish.

"Fuck off, Shannon." Tiffany interjected, coming to her friends 'rescue'. Jared walked over and peeked at what Shannon was working on. Taking a headphone and placing it against his ear, Jared listened to Shannon's 'masterpiece'. Their backs were to the girls so they did notice when they snuck up behind them.

"That's good—Oh shit!" Jared yelped as he turned and saw Tiffany in his face. She cackled in devilish glee. Shannon jumped when he noticed Dana hovering over his shoulder.

"Whatcha working on?" She asked, sweet voice full of innocence. He shifted to hide the screen from her.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Can you, uh, go get me a Coke from the fridge?" He asked, avoiding the question. Dana gave him a suspicious glare but went over to the fridge anyway. The bus jostled her and she lost her balance, falling to her knees right in front of the fridge.

"Well, that was convenient." She muttered, opening the door. Inside the small fridge was a shelf of healthy things for Jared, and another shelf of unhealthy things and soda for the rest of the crew.

"It seems that since Tiffany joined us, all we have is Pepsi. I hope that's okay." She called over her shoulder. He grunted and quickly saved the project in a well-hidden folder. Quickly shutting down the computer, he waltzed over and sat on the couch. Dana turned and glared. "You did that on purpose."

"Yes, I did. Now, come join me. I feel like watching a movie. I've got 'Perfect Stranger' with Johnny Depp." He held up the DVD case luring Dana over. Grudgingly, she took two cans of Pepsi out of the fridge. Turning so her back was to Shannon, she shook one of the cans viciously. Turning back with a smile, Shannon was putting the DVD in the built-in player on the TV.

"Thanks." He took the shaken-up can from Dana and opened it. A spray of brown liquid shot into his face. Screaming obscenities and leaping up from the couch, Shannon ran to the sink. Dana and Tiffany were crying with laughter. Even Jared chuckled a little at his brother's naivety.

"What the fuck was that for?" Shannon wiped the sticky soda off his face and turned to Dana, who was still laughing on the couch.

"For keeping secrets from me and being a total ass about it." She struggled to sit up, her abs thoroughly worked out from the laughing. She grinned at him as he glared at her with all his might. He leapt over and pinned her to the couch in less than 5 seconds.

"Well now you must face my wrath." He held her wrists above her head and used his knees to restrain her legs. Dana stared at him in surprise. Slowly, an evil smirk spread across her face.

"Oooh, kinky!" Tiffany snickered from across the bus. Dana shot her a quick smirk before lifting her chest towards Shannon.

"You know you want me." She whispered, trying to be sexy. He gaped at her, his grip becoming lax. She pulled her wrists out and wrapped them around his neck slowly. She slid her jean-clad legs around his waist at the same time, turning Shannon into something of a human jungle-gym. He kissed her long and hard, bringing one arm around her back to pull her closer. Standing so she was draped on him, he slowly walked her to the bunks, where they fell on the bottom bunk, giggling.

"Sometimes they can be so nasty…" Tiffany shook her head and turned to go back to her computer. But a person was holding it. Tucking it into his pants, actually. "Jared!" She squealed, snatching it before it could fully disappear.

"Never, you hear me, NEVER put my baby into your fucking pants!" Tiffany scolded, a finger in his face. Jared, trying to laugh it off, was scared.

'_Note to self: Never play pranks on Tiffany involving her computer.'_ He thought, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Relax sweetie." He smiled.

"I'm sorry my hubby is such a dumbass. It's okay; you'll never go there again." Tiffany ignored Jared, and patted her computer lovingly.

"But you go there, mommy! Isn't it okay if I do?" Jared mimicked the say he thought a computer would sound. Tiffany turned to Jared with a raised eyebrow.

"If you think that's where I'm going tonight, you got another thing coming." She told him, popping her hip to one side and resting a hand on it.

"Aww." Jared deflated, a small smile still on his lips. Tiffany sighed and rolled her eyes. Figures all he thought about was sex. "Maybe I'll just force you!" He leapt on her, attacking her with a ferocious kiss.

"Jared!" She moaned, his mouth moving from her lips to her neck. He gently took her laptop from her and safely placed it on the counter. He pushed her on the couch, his lips moving back to her mouth. They slid so Jared was on top, already stripping his clean shirt off. Tiffany blushed and let her eyes roam over his toned body. He stole back her attention with another urgent kiss.

"No, wait…" She whispered, her breath stolen away. Jared looked at her, a little angry but mostly disappointed. "Dana… and Shannon. They can…"

"They're a bit busy right now too." Jared told her, pulling a blindfold from under the couch. Tiffany's eyebrows shot sky-high. What the hell was that doing there? He tied it around her eyes and instantly, Tiffany's other senses were heightened. She heard every ragged breath he took as he tried to control his desire. She felt the fabric of her shirt glide over her skin as Jared took it off. She tasted his mouth as he kissed her sweetly. She smelt his sweet but musky scent. The man-scent she had come to love.

The day blended into night before they knew what had happened. Lying on the couch, happily exhausted, Tiffany and Jared joked and talked about anything and everything they could think of until sleep crept over them like a warm blanket.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Devious thoughts are the best.

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"… I don't think that's supposed to happen." Dana whispered, a bit fearfully, pointing at the bubbling orange goop on the stove. Tiffany shot her a glare before returning her eyes to the cookbook.

"It's fucking macaroni and cheese. It's not like it's easy to mess up." She snapped, reading a recipe for vegan mac and cheese.

"But look at the way it's bubbling!" She squealed, jumping back from the stove as a large, neon orange bubble exploded.

It was a peaceful drive from LA to Chicago. Tiffany and Dana insisted on visiting their family after meeting and greeting the Leto family. They insisted on cooking the meal that night while driving through Colorado. The boys reluctantly agreed, disappearing in the back to snag a nap.

"I-It's just mac and cheese though." Tiffany told her, confidence draining out of her voice. Dana, with an oven mitt over her hand, reached warily over to stir the pot with a wooden spoon. The mixture bubbled angrily, spitting flecks of orange at the girls.

"How's the vegan pasta coming along?" Dana asked a bit fearfully. She was in charge of the cheese mixture to pour on top of the pasta, while Tiffany was making the pasta. Slowly, Tiffany lifted the silver, stainless-steel lid to a tall pot. A jet stream of steam shot into the air, making the small kitchen area horribly humid.

"What happened?" Dana coughed, trying to inhale fresh air. Tiffany shook her head, the steam forming droplets in her hair. She showered Dana in a mist of hot water.

"I have no fucking idea." Tiffany snapped, annoyed. This was supposed to be the easiest recipe in the book. She checked the pot hesitantly, relieved when she saw that the water was boiling and the pasta was cooking normally.

"I think we should just call it quits and order Chinese food." Dana whined, unhappy that she got the harder of the two jobs.

"Don't be such a baby. We can do this. That cheese stuff looks edible… for the most part." Tiffany leaned over to smell it but drew back immediately when another bubble popped in her face. Luckily, none of the goop got on her. "Try turning down the heat."

"If you say so." Dana replied, turning the knob on the front of the stove. The large, wild blue flames dimmed to more controlled cooking flames. The bubbling subsided quickly, turning into a simmer. Stirring now without fear of an explosion, Dana returned to her task.

"This pasta is about done. Did you check the time on your sauce?" Tiffany asked while taking the pot of pasta off the stove and turning around to dump it in the sink right behind them on the bus. A white colander was already in the sink, ready to have boiling water and pasta poured into.

"… Crap. You never told me how long it was supposed to cook!" Dana snatched the Vegan Cookbook off the counter and squinted at the recipe, searching for the relative time it took to make the sauce. "20 minutes… I think it's been 20 minutes. It looks done to me." Dana shrugged.

"Well it took 10 minutes to prepare the pasta. Since we had to fucking make it ourselves. Damn vegan…" Tiffany muttered, glancing at the curtain that Jared had pulled in front of the bunks. "Then it took 8 minutes to cook so I guess we're right at 20." She reached over and shut off the stove.

"Stir, stir, stir!" Dana hummed a silly, little song, stirring the orange sauce with her wooden spoon. A large goofy smile crossed her face as she imagined Shannon eating her cooking.

'_Wow! I didn't know you were such a great cook! I love you even more!'_ He'd say, pulling Dana into his arms and dipping her down low for a romantic kiss.

Lost in her fairytale, Dana dropped her spoon on the floor as the bus hit a bump.

"Shoot!" She muttered, stooping to pick it up. She glared at the utensil before chucking it into the pile of dirty dishes that she and Tiffany had accumulated. Tiffany handed her a new spoon, a smirk on her face.

"So, we just pour this on top of the pasta… right?" Dana asked, trepidation in her voice. Tiffany spooned four equal amounts of pasta on the plates. Dana leaned over and carefully poured the sauce on top.

"Do you think we should try it first?" She asked, after putting the nearly empty pot of sauce in the sink. Tiffany picked out a forgotten strand of pasta from her pot and slurped it. She cringed.

"Ew." She gave Dana a shrug. She wouldn't eat that, even if someone paid her. Well, it would depend how much.

Dana swiped a finger of the sauce from the leftover pot and stuck it in her mouth, unhesitatingly. She gagged for a moment.

"Oh, GOD! Do NOT eat that!" She coughed, pointing at the sauce-covered pasta. Tiffany, scared, stuck a fork in the mound of pasta and wound up a forkful.

Maybe together they would make a miracle.

Or a disaster.

Tiffany's eyes bugged out after the fork was removed from her mouth. The worst tastes imaginable were in her mouth. The pasta tasted like it was boiled in old sweaty sock water with a hint of rotten egg. The sauce was some sort of combo of sour milk and rotten yoghurt.

"What kind of food train-wreck have we created?" She asked, stunned. Dana reached over and took a small bite for herself. Dropping the fork, she ran to the sink, heaving the contents of her stomach in the small basin.

"You even said yourself 'do not eat'!" Tiffany told her. Dana threw her a weak glare.

"I know. Trust me, I know." She shivered, trying to erase the memory of the taste from her tongue.

"Good afternoon ladies. Something smells like... Well, like food, I think." Jared pulled the dark blue curtain aside, stepping into the eating area. Shannon followed, summoned by the smell of food.

"Looks good." He nodded at the plates. Dana and Tiffany leapt forward to stop them but it was too late.

Both boys took a large mouthful of the disaster. Chewing silently, their faces twisted from happiness to horror. They spat out the pasta and rushed to the sink for a glass of water to wash away the taste.

"What the fuck was that?" Jared looked at Tiffany in horror. She explained their failure embarrassedly. Dana hid behind Tiffany, avoiding looking at Shannon.


End file.
